The holidays have been brutal, patients are SO sick, the family stuff is so intense and 3 out of 5 hospice nurses in my office are out sick!! Damn! Too much.
Three days ago I went to the house of a very dear patient who had just died. She was still in bed looking so young and beautiful. Her husband was sobbing and her mother was wailing and her little girl was placing stuffed animals by her bed. And then took a photo of it(eek!). It was all so wrenching and raw that I walked around with that light post crying hiccup feeling all day.
Then, two days ago I went to work on New Year's Day and was supposed to see three patients but two of them died right before I got there. I was able to spend time with those just departed, and there sorrowful families and found myself crying in weird spots. Then, again, today a long team meeting with tears and that drained but light post tears feeling through team meeting and after...then went on with my day and the second patient died right before I got there.
Jesus. Too much. Even for me, too damn much.
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